“Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.”
You know, getting the ripe old age of 21, I’ve been thinking a lot about myself and who I want to be and how I want to be buried. And I’ve been thinking, is this really my job? Is this really what I’ve done? Is this right? Is this wrong? Is this really my beautiful house? Where does that highway go to? And, of course, I’ve been wondering, well, how did I get here?
No, really, how did I get here? I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 100 posts. That’s a lot of posts! Or at least it feels like it to me, but maybe not; one post a week would see me posting 52 times a year, leaving post 100 a month shy of two full years. Well, as it turns out, I’m closer to two months early, as I had some weeks here and there with two posts. Or even three (maybe it was four?), in that one weird week a while back. Either way, depending on how you look at it, 100 posts seems either more or less impressive; 100 is a pretty big, even, round number, but saying “two years of posts” is kind of lame. Eh. Just goes to show that perspective can fool you.
To be honest, I didn’t even realize that this was going to be my 100th post until I opened up my folder of folders containing other folders and realized that I was due for number 100. Initially I was going to do a post about why the deep ocean is so cool, why videos of spooky deep sea animals relax me, and why I’m still playing Subnautica. But I couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass. You only post your hundredth post once, right? The next milestone will be, what 200? Or maybe the next milestone will be whenever I can get this damn website to pay for itself. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe so I don’t have to continue committing tax fraud in order to keep this site running.
Either way, I felt like an appropriate celebration of this tentatively-labeled achievement would be to take a page out of the sitcom text book and do a clip show. No, not the dirty kind of clip show; the kind that shows up on The Simpsons or Community or the greatest piece of television ever conceived, Dinosaurs. Where they re-air a bunch of the greatest bits from past episodes in order to keep production costs down and/or start an early vacation. Sometimes these are actually done pretty well, with one particularly poignant example being the last episode of That 70s Show. Usually they aren’t great, or are just cheap filler. Guess which one this article’s gonna be?
I guess we’ll both find out, because your prediction’s as good as mine. So, without further ado, here’s some of the best articles from my first 100. Hopefully there will be at least 100 more, and hopefully they’ll pay for web hosting fees.
A Little Bit About Me: Ah, yes, the very first post I made on here, way back when my readership was just my parents and grandparents. That was November of 2018, and holy shit how things have changed since them. The world seems to have gone inside out as of 2020 alone, but even 2019 had its moments. And I, personally, have changed quite a bit since my innocuous first foray. Maybe you can track my change throughout time by using my articles? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know if I could. But regardless, it isn’t a great post, but it’s my first post. That’s gotta be something.
I Need a Literary Agent: I’m still trying to find an agent for Spectral Crown, which is much more depressing than I had hoped. But jokes on me, because I haven’t had time to look. So hah. To… myself, I guess.
Terrible Christmas Songs: “Jingle Bell Schlock” is still my favorite subtitle. And I still hate Band Aid. Fuck that song.
The End of Number Six: I should have known that this was going to be a bit of a rough road because the first time I ran out of time to write a post was, well, ten posts in. But hey, it was my first short story on here, and it also won me a nifty award, so I’m cool with that. By this time, I’d already had my first environmental science post, which was pretty dry, and my first review post, which I only posted because I was so surprised that I liked Die Hard. It’s still a Christmas movie.
The Problem with Los Angeles: You know, it’s weird going back to these early posts, because I hadn’t realized how much I had kind of set down for myself in the first couple months. Like the first post where I lob unnecessary shit at random US cities was my 11th post. And now I’ve done it like, three more times! Back then I thought I’d only do it once! But every city has a problem. And one day, one day I’ll get to Chicago. Just you wait.
Four Strange Birds: A List: I’m not entirely sure why I felt I had to add the “A List” subtitle. It was extra then and it’s extra now. But you know what? I really liked writing this post. It’s about weird birds. And I’m still proud of the stuff about the Potoo in there. “It laughs for it knows how the world will end, and it is pleased.” Classic.
The Saddest Songs of all Time (Part Two): Getting real for a second, this post is up there with the hardest, but most gratifying, posts to write. I think I did a decent job on talking about my own experiences with suicidal ideation and depression. My high school therapist, a beautiful, kind man with a mustache that is actually just a caterpillar glued to his face, thinks so, too, so I guess I have that. I don’t think I mentioned this then, but I’ll say it now; if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, there is help. I still can’t promise it gets better, because, sometimes, it doesn’t. But most of the time, it does, and I can say that it’s gotten better for me. It can get better for you, too. I believe in you.
My Family Names Every Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Character: This has got to be one of my favorite posts, and it still makes me laugh. If you only read one post on my site, I might personally choose this one. Despite the fact that I’ve talked about Smash Bros. twice before this post, and have mentioned it how many times after. It isn’t leaving anytime soon.
How I want to Be Buried and Other Fun Thoughts: Keeping in the tradition of taking what I learn at school and bastardizing it into some sort of gibberish post online, I got almost all of the material for this post from a class I took in my first semester at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, a school that still hasn’t chosen a new mascot. I’ll stand by that burial thing, though; I refuse to take up space in a coffin. Toss me in the river for all I care, or better yet, feed me to the birds. And then make a chair from my bones. That’s metal as fuck.
The Several Strange Similarities Between Hamilton and Jesus Christ Superstar: This is one of the first posts where I apply some analytical skills to tackle some pop culture issue that isn’t a video game, in a way. I made a unique, defensible statement and supported it with evidence; just like I learned in school. That’s pretty neat! But I bring this up more because someone randomly tweeted it and tagged me in it about a month ago, and that made my day. Thank you, random stranger.
Disproportionately Deadly Diseases: It might be time to update this one.
A Crash Course in GIS: Talk about tracking my development through my writing, when I posted this one, I had only taken one GIS course and didn’t yet know that I really actually wanted to make a career out of it. And look at me now; I’ve taken two GIS courses and somehow landed a summer job in Python coding. Small steps lead to big maps, or something like that.
Sorbet Rink: In the summer of 2019, I went to Philmont. I’ve mentioned it enough now that, if you’re a regular reader, you already know this. But at that time, I’d been keeping my blog for less than a year, so to go on sudden hiatus might have been bad for whatever little readership I had. So I did the next best thing; instead of creating three months worth of content, I’d post every old short story I had ever written for the entire summer. And hey, I had enough backlog to cover the entire time! I kind of like this story for sentimental reasons, but I still like the idea of cosmic horror snowmen. If you only read one of these short stories, maybe make it this one?
Beezlebub Dayz: No, actually, make it this one. This story is good, I promise.
Philmont 3: With a Vengeance: And once I got back from Philmont, I made a three-part special talking about all the times I’d been to Philmont. And they’ve become very useful to me because now whenever I talk about Philmont in another article, I can just link back to these ones and I don’t have to repeat myself. But they’re also kind of good time capsules for me, and help me remember parts of my life. Isn’t that what this whole thing is, then?
William Matthew Sima, 1939-2019: Speaking of memory, I want this to be a time capsule, too. I miss you, Grandpa.
The Very Midwestern Tradition of Pumpkin Patches: I love Halloween, and 2019 was the first Halloween I got to spend with my blog. And I went all out, apparently. Everything in October 2019 was kind of spooky or autumn-themed. Even the times where I had to post stories as filler were all scary stories. Hey, no one can say I don’t keep a theme.
Did Imagine Dragons Sell Their Souls to the Devil?: The answer has been, and always will be, yes.
Remembering the Harry Potter Video Games: I bring this up only so I can reference it again later. Those games were ugly.
The House on the Rock: I think that this goofy, quasi-stream of consciousness post maybe reflects the hodge-podge, thrown-together nature of the House on the Rock itself, which is giving it much higher praise than it likely deserves. But who knows? I haven’t read it since I wrote it, truth be told. But I remember liking it, so hey, maybe you should read it!
Spectral Crown: A Prologue: Hey, it’s my book that I’m trying to sell again! But this time I’m actually posting the damn thing! Somewhere along the line, probably when I ran out of backlogged short stories, I got over my fear of copyright infringement and decided to post my novel up here, in pieces. And I’m still really happy with how the whole thing turned out! But if you ever want to read the whole thing, I got to get an agent first. Maybe the faceless corporate entity trawling the internet for new content can help me.
A Bird Order Tier List: Let’s be real here; every bird is automatically S-Tier, regardless of what anybody, including me, says otherwise. One day maybe I’ll redo this in a more measured, scientific way. But until then, this is what we’re all stuck with. If all birds were ever in a Fortnite-esque Battle Royale, though, Ostriches would win. That’s not even an opinion, that’s just an unfortunate fact.
Project Drawdown: A Hope for the Future: For all the environmental science posts I’ve written (and there actually aren’t that many), this one is probably my favorite. Because, unlike the ones where I shit on individual cities, or my other posts, this one seems to have actual hope to it. Which is pretty refreshing, in my opinion.
Your Horoscope for Today: This is the first short story that I wrote explicitly for this blog, and I was (and still am) pretty happy with how it turned out. I mean, it isn’t the greatest thing I’ve ever written, but for a sort-of joke story that I cranked out in a couple hours, I think it’s fun to read. And it’s inspired by Weird Al, so what’s not to love?
Drunken Sightseeing in New Orleans: Much like the trip itself, I have no memory of writing this post.
Silas Oscar Sima, 1943-2020: Another piece that I hope will serve as a sort of time capsule, an in memoriam that’s more than just an obituary on some random website or tiny newspaper that no one will ever see. To be fair, no one will see it here, either, but it makes me feel better to know that there’s a little bit more about Silas, and my grandfather, than the average notice of death. I still miss him, too.
Interactive Arthurian Fiction (That I Wrote!): I’ve realized recently that I want to start trying to make video games, and create the games that I would really want to play. I think I can do. I already have the coding background, in Python, anyway, so how hard could it be the learn C++ or Unity or something? It wasn’t too hard to learn how to write these things? I say that now, but I’m sure that, in a couple months, I’ll probably write a post about exactly why it’s much harder than I think it’ll be. So we’ll see. Also, update, my submissions were not chosen to be a part of that game, and I’m still a little salty. But I’ll buy the game anyway.
Happy Mother’s Day, and Thank You: Time capsule pieces can be for the living, too, so I’m glad that I finally decided to write this one about my mom. I think it’s a good one, but probably only relevant to immediate family or people who know her. Love you, mom!
Good Time (2017) is the Best Movie I’d Never Heard Of: It’s acid. The drug I did was acid. Or was it?
Black Lives Matter.: Black Lives Matter. This becomes more and more pressing each and every day. There should always be space and time for Black Lives. If you really want to help the Black Lives Matter movement, learn more about it. It’s tacky, but here’s a link to a collection of links I made. Black Lives Matter. Remember that racism is systematic; it isn’t a few “bad apples,” but the system itself. And remember to vote out hatred in November.
Sirenhead: I’m still quite proud of this story, and would definitely recommend it as my best horror story. However, I’d hope that I myself would recommend it, as I wrote the damn thing and only posted it a couple months ago. If I wasn’t proud of it, well, why would I post it? But either way, a couple months back, a scout that I had met at Philmont reached out to me on my blog to say that he really appreciated the stuff my coworkers and I had done for their crew, and that was really heart-warming. I think about that a lot.
Happy Father’s Day, and Thank You: Hey, it’s another time capsule piece! Or a biography, or a memoir, or a story about my father. Something like that. But I think it’s good! Love you, dad.
Un-Remembering the Harry Potter Games: The sequel post that I never expected to write, I might have overstepped by bounds as a cisgender male a little bit in talking in the way I did about the struggles of transgender peoples. But I tried my best, though I can do better in the future. Also, if you’ve ever played the old Harry Potter computer games, play POTTERGAME. It’s a good laugh/depressing social commentary, and worth your time.
King of the Road, COVID-19 Edition: Hey, wait a minute, I just wrote this one! Is it really a highlight of my 100 posts? I don’t know, maybe, my mom seems to think so. So here it is. Has this article actually been anything of value, or has it just been me applauding myself for writing a whole bunch of these things? I don’t know. If this is the first post you read, maybe it’ll inspire you to read more of my shit! Maybe not! Any publicity is good publicity, so they say. I don’t think that’s true, but who cares?
The Supercomputer Summer: Again, my parents quite liked this one, so that’s mostly why it’s up here, but I’m still very happy with how the map itself turned out. I suppose that is why I made it the header image, after all. But I also like it because it lets me explain, in decent, non-scientific detail, what the hell it was I did for twenty hours a week for the last two months. Because it barely makes sense to me sometimes. It feels like I mostly just stared at numbers until something happened, but my boss liked my work, so I guess I’ve got that going for me.
Well, there it is. Apparently, what I consider to be the 35 greatest hits of my first 100 posts. That isn’t to say that the other 65 posts are bad, or are sub-par; I didn’t choose some good ones because I felt that there were others that were, well, better. I mean, better is subjective, and as any author is their own harshest critic, I can’t actually determine the quality of my own posts, for better or for worse. But I like to think that they’re good, and that people besides my family enjoy reading them. And maybe if I can delude myself of that fact for long enough, it will become true. And then someone will finally publish Spectral Crown.
The world has changed so much in almost two years, and I’ve changed so much in that time, too. This blog has been a constant, always posting at 1:30pm on Tuesday each week, whether I’m there to see it post or not. But as a constant, I think the blog has changed a lot too. I feel like I’ve really refined myself and my style as I’ve gone along with writing this thing, and to a certain extent, it’s as much a journal as it is a blog. One day I’ll go back and read over everything in depth, and probably cringe internally the entire time. Or maybe not. I still get a kick out of those stupid faces I put together, so who am I to say?
Nowadays, I tend to divide my life into distinct segments; things like before Philmont and after Philmont, and before COVID and, hopefully one day, after COVID. I can definitely divide my blog into those segments, too, have a middle section that’s dominated by old short stories because I was without internet for three months. It’s really strange to think that I’ve put so much time and effort into this thing, and yet, most of the time, I don’t consider it to be real writing. Which is weird, because as I don’t have time for anything else, this is the only writing I do, generally. Which is sad. I wish I had so much more time than I do, and I don’t even know that’s taking up most of my time. Sometimes, it’s this blog. But usually it’s not. So that’s something I need to set for myself, and get my priorities in line. Or something like that.
Well, I do prioritize this blog pretty often, so I guess my point is that I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, for the time being, and I am notoriously difficult to get rid. That isn’t actually true at all, but it sounds fun say. So here’s to the last 100 articles, and here’s to the next 100. If you want to read some of the ones I haven’t talked about, you can go to the archives tab on the side of this post, at the top, or there’s a page option at the bottom of the home page. Or you can check out those neat categories at the very top! I should probably get a “random” option or something.
But until then, thank you for reading. I don’t thank my readers all that often, but I really should. Because what’s the point of sharing if there’s no one to share with? So thank you. And I’ll leave you with one last parting gift: this beautiful, atrocious image. Thank you.
Love this!! Can’t believe it has been 100 posts!!