My Favorite Horror Movies

“Why yes, it’s another list article!”

Prior to choosing this topic, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to write about and I thought, “hey, spooky stories are good for Halloween. I’ll do a Creepypasta review article!” But then I remembered I already did that, and did a pretty bang-up job, I think. Or at least a pretty extensive one; I mentioned pretty much every creepypasta or internet horror story in that post that I was going to talk about here. I didn’t go into any length about them, so I guess I have some room for individuals reviews down the line, but… eh. I don’t really feel like it. So instead, let’s talk about scary movies! Which is basically the exact same article, just with John Carpenter instead of UserNameXx69xX.

But I’m also finding myself on a bit of time crunch, and not wanting to do a chapter of Spectral Crown two weeks in a row, I’ll try and write something quick. Some of the websites I’ve looked at have said that you should only spend about an hour on your blog a week, especially for amateurs or people without a substantial following; I may have been spending more time on it recently than I should be. So we’ll see how changing that goes. But I just feel like I’ve been so busy recently, I just wish I had time for anything, honestly. But hey, that’s life, I guess. Anyway. Let’s go.

IT (1990)

Ah, yes, let’s start with my favorite comedy movie: the IT TV miniseries from 1990 starring Tim Curry as Pennywise the dancing clown. If you ask me, as a horror movie, this is absolute garbage. I haven’t read the book, so I don’t know if it’s scary or not, but this movie most certainly isn’t. Campy writing, classic horror overacting, terrible special effects, and Tim Curry’s presence make for a pretty funny movie, if you ask me, and I think that this fucking scene sums it up perfectly. That right there, for those pressed for time, is one of the single greatest clips in cinema history. It’s just so fucking stupid, but I love it immensely. “DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?” will forever be burned into my memory and the series of phrases that I repeat incessantly to friends and family. The 2017 remake was pretty great, though, especially the projector scene.

As a depressing side note, I’ve still never seen the greatest Stephen King movie, The Shining, because I never have time and/or can never convince anyone to sit with me and Jack Nicholson for three hours. A friend of mine swore they once watched an uncut 10 hour version of the film, but then could find no mention of it anywhere else. Honestly, knowing Kubrick, it might exist somewhere, but they also could have been high and were just replaying the ball-bouncing over and over again.

Train to Busan (2016)

Another thing that I am disappointed in myself to admit: I still haven’t seen Parasite. But at least I’ve seen one of the other large-scale American releases of a South Korean film, and that’s Train to Busan. It’s been a few years since I watched it, but I remember it being a fairly intense and emotional take on the typical zombie movie, assisted by the underlying themes of capitalism gone wrong and governmental neglect. Not to mention it takes place almost entirely on a single train while still being visually engaging, which is impressive in and of itself. I really ought to watch this movie again, because from what I remember, it’s much better than World War Z (But the WWZ book is actually really good).

Oh, and while this is South Korean, did you know that some North Korean movies have made it to the states, too? Might I recommend the incredible Hong Kil-dong? “And then ninjas arrive” is all you need to know.

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

I have really mixed feelings about including this one on the list since the director is a convicted sex offender and possessor of child pornography. He just seems like a really terrible guy, much worse than the villain of this movie simply for the fact that he actually exists. And is still making movies. Maybe that’s the frightening part, that if the #MeToo movement hadn’t finally got the attention it deserved then this guy might still be making money. Or at least more money than he already is. He just kind of needs to disappear and just, like, work at a Family Video or something. Or, better yet, go to jail again because he got off with only 15 months for his crimes. This was thirty years ago, yes, but does that change anything? I don’t know. Probably not.

Either way, my girlfriend really likes this movie, and I have to say, it’s a pretty solid slasher/monster film. I’d say watch it in a way that’s as detrimental to the director as possible. Maybe pirate it or something and then donate what you would have spent to a children’s home. Because fuck that guy.

The Evil Dead (1981)

Sam Raimi is a weird director. He went from directing this movie, which basically amounts to what would happen if you gave film students a small budget ($300,000, actually) and an expert special effects crew, and then he went and directed Spider-Man, which was for a time, I think, the highest-grossing superhero movie ever. And then he stole that guy’s pizza. I still can’t quite pin down what is about the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy that makes me so uncomfortable, but whatever it is, I don’t care, because I’ll just watch Evil Dead instead. Because, despite the weird tree-demon sex scene, it’s an eerie and frightening early take on the cabin-in-the-woods trope. Plus it started Army of Darkness, which I have not seen but know all about, and that’s awesome. Hail to the king, baby.

It Follows (2014)

The ultimate film in teenage sexual anxiety and the existence of STD’s (sexually-transmitted demons), It Follows is simultaneously ludicrous and grounded. A weird shape-shifting thing that no one else can see but just keeps following you? Sounds kind of like that burrito I ate for dinner the other night. But then the movie starts taking its own rules to the logical endpoint, and you realize that it really works as a film. Maybe not super scary, but it is a great psychological film. I still think about it sometimes, since it gets in your head for sure. Oh, I also watched The Babadook around the same time as I saw this one, and while I prefer It Follows, they’re both pretty good and both have more to say that just “spooky monster is spooky.” I recommend both heartily.

The Descent (2005)

Being underground is already unsettling enough. It’s like being buried alive; the weight of the world above, nothing but hundreds or thousands of tons of rock between you and the surface, and limited oxygen and, without flame or electricity, no light. I like caves because they make me feel safe and at one with the earth, but that’s only when I knew I could get back out again when I wanted to. If I was stuck in them, I’m sure I’d flip the fuck out. And that’s what happens in The Descent, more or less; it’s just about the kind of movie you’d expect for being a cave-themed horror film, but that doesn’t make it any less good. Although it’s a little underrated. Maybe you could say it’s… underground?

Pontypool (2008)

Oh, boy, what can I even say about this movie without giving too much of it away? It’s utterly baffling, from start to finish, but horrifying at the same time. It’s a kind-of zombie movie, kind-of infection movie, kind-of radio drama, I guess? It’s sort of like Train to Busan in that it largely happens in one location, but other than that and the zombies there are almost no similarities. Honestly, I should probably rewatch this film, since it’s about a disease that’s spread through words and forces everyone to isolate themselves. Seems kind of timely for our modern COVID world, yes? It’s just a shame that it hasn’t really gotten more attention than it has, since it’s one of the most original takes on zombie movies in recent years. Definitely check it out.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Hey, remember when I said that Evil Dead was a great movie about demons attacking college students in an abandoned cabin? What about that, but produced by the people behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer and set in a world where every horror movie has not only happened but is controlled by the government? That isn’t a spoiler or anything, that’s set up within the first ten minutes or so. I love this movie with a passion, mainly because it takes just about every horror trope and runs with it, making fun of the genre as a whole while at the same time reaffirming why I like it. Only issue, I think, is that it cuts a little too close to the cloth in some places. But hot damn is it funny, even when it’s scary. Oh, and it’s briefly parodied in Scary Movie V by Snoop Dogg and… Mac Miller, I guess? That scene is much sadder now that I know that.

A Quiet Place (2018)

Marking the only time I’ve seen Jim from The Office in anything other than a suit, A Quiet Place is a masterpiece of suspense. I’ve only seen it once, in theaters, but I’m almost afraid to see it again because I don’t think anything short of extreme high definition surround sound will capture the silence and menace of this movie as well. And the silence is deafening; despite having maybe only a couple dozen (maybe a hundred?) spoken lines, with the rest being in sign language, and silence most of the movie, any sort of sound is immediately unsettling. Watching this movie was, honestly, unlike any other movie experience I’ve had before or since, and for that, it will always be one of my favorites.

Get Out (2017)

Jordan Peele was a common name among my family and friends prior to this movie mainly for his substitute teacher sketch from Key and Peele, but I contend that it was this movie that made him a nationally-recognized name. Actually, I don’t think that’s really an argument I have to make. But regardless, it’s probably true for good reason; this movie is incredible. Simultaneously being an infinitely suspenseful psychological thriller and a deft portrayal of race in America, it’s one of the most meaningful horror movies out there. There’s a reason that it and “Redbone” are forever intertwined for me, and probably a large number of other people, too. Up until this year with the murder of George Floyd and the countless others that completely ripped my and America’s attention towards the struggle of the Black Lives Matter movement, this movie was the closest I got to understanding that experience, even as it is “just” a horror movie. But with any good horror movie, it’s never just a horror movie.

Hereditary (2018)

Speaking of movies being more than just movies, I know Hereditary is more than just about possession and model houses, but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you fucking what it’s about. It’s eerie, cinematically beautiful, original, and easily one of the most confusing movies I’ve ever seen, while at the same time having a pretty well-explained supernatural plot. Ok, demon possession, I can get behind that, but why? I don’t know, and it isn’t really important, because I’ve been puzzling over this movie since I watched it, and that’s one of the reasons why I enjoy it so much. It’s just a puzzle box where when you strip back one layer, there’s another layer inside. That’s made of ants and piano wire. Yikes.

Annihilation (2018)

Man, I remember when I first heart about this movie, because I had just finished reading the book that inspired it, and I was in love with that novel. It’s one of the greatest cosmic horror science fiction pieces out there, without a doubt, and easily one of the greatest modern works of science fiction. And this movie, oh man, this movie. While it has, admittedly, almost nothing to do with the book besides the basic premise, what it lacks in context it makes up for in sheer atmosphere. From the music to the flowers and plant visuals to the trippy-ass ending and that swimming pool scene, I love this movie so, so much. I don’t even care that the ending is kind of disappointing, because frankly, everything else is so good that I’m ok with it. That bear is just scary, too, and I love it.

Alien (1979)

Almost nothing tops Alien for me. It’s one of the very few series that I can say I’ve seen pretty much every iteration of; I’ve watched the first Alien two or three times, and Aliens a similar number. Alien 3 is hot trash, as is Alien: Resurrection, and Prometheus barely has any aliens in it, but Alien: Covenant is pretty damn good. I’ve even seen the two Alien Vs. Predator movies, which are just about as awful as you’d expect them to be. It’s a shame that nothing but maybe Aliens or the Alien: Isolation videogame comes even close to the original from 1979. It’s a spellbinding horror in space, with all the classics from the era, including megacorporations, chunky 70’s tech, and grisly body horror. Plus the alien itself was designed by one of my favorite modern artists, H.R. Giger. To be fair, I got into Giger because I watched this movie, but I did a project on him in an art class I took a couple years back, so I know a little more about him than the average Alien fan, I guess. But either way, Alien is so, so good. Not that the rest of these movies were listed in any particular order (well, sort of), but the only other thing that beats Alien for me is…

The Thing (1982)

Let’s be honest here; The Thing has some of the best special effects of all time. In my opinion, it beats out Alien, it beats out Jurassic Park, and it sure as hell beats out the 2013 remake. The dog transformation scene is forever seared into my nightmares, and that isn’t even the worst one. When I first watched this movie, I had no clue what to expect, but what I got far exceeded even my highest standards. I didn’t know what good special effects were until I saw this movie. I’ve even now read the story that inspired the movie, “Who Goes There?,” which, I have to admit, isn’t nearly as good at this movie is. It’s got more background and much more concrete ending, sure, but who needs that when you have that ambiguous moment between Kurt Russel and Keith David right at the end? Not to spoil it or anything, but I’m sure everyone already knows how this movie ends. It’s one of the most talked-about moments in horror movie history. Oh, I adore this movie, and I love showing it to friends. And you should, too! But not the squeamish ones; this movie is not for the faint of heart.

Well, that ended up taking a lot longer than I anticipated, but hey, I enjoyed it! And I enjoy all these movies! If you haven’t seen any, be sure to check them out, and if you’ve got any that you’d think I would like, let me know and I’ll try and watch it! I’ve got quite a growing list, but I’ll get through it one day. Hopefully before aliens take over the world at the end of 2020, hmm?

Oh, hey, isn’t it weird that we’ll probably have Coronavirus horror movies in a few years? Wait, no, we already do. And I need to watch them now. Maybe next week I’ll tell you about them. Or, more likely, I won’t have time. Maybe for Halloween I can finally watch some more horror movies, since I can’t go out to a party this year. Because, at the end of the day, the real world is always the scariest thing. Good luck.