Congratulations to Nick for Graduating! – Photobomb

“What the Heck is a Ski-U-Mah”

This week I want to take a few minutes to shine the spotlight on someone else for once. And even though it’s Mother’s Day, it’s not for my mom (love you!); it’s for my sibling Nick, instead! They just graduated with honors from the University of Minnesota (the main one in Minneapolis/St. Paul, not one of the half-dozen other satellite sites, like U of M “Come See Our Mansion” Duluth or U of M “We Have Two Buildings” Crookston) with a degree in Sociology, and I couldn’t be more proud of them. It’s always incredible when anyone graduates from school, but it’s even better when it’s someone you know. And I know Nick pretty well, and I’m very proud of them.

Now, I won’t be getting into too much personal detail for Nick, but I can at least share a few things because I know they’ve already shared stuff themselves. But as we go along here and I tell you a bit about the graduation weekend (otherwise known as, deservedly so, the “weekend of Nick,”), I’ll be sharing a few stories here and there. Nick, let me know if there’s anything you want changed, just walk across the hallway and let me know. Knock on my door or something.

One of the reasons I’m proud of Nick is because they’ve already had to make one of the toughest decisions of their lives, and it happened before they even got to college. Or, rather, on the day of. Originally, Nick intended to go to DePaul university in Chicago, and spend a, frankly, obscene amount of money on what was at the time going to be (I think?) a psychology degree. But they got there, and on move-in day itself, realized that DePaul wasn’t the right fit for them. Things didn’t make sense, it didn’t seem right, it didn’t feel good. So they made the exceptionally difficult and frightening decision to “drop out,” as it were, and return to our hometown for two years of community college.

“Drop Out” sounds a bit severe, if you ask me. Nick didn’t really drop out of anything; they made the shrewd, personal decision to change the location and direction of their higher education, and it was ultimately the perfect decision for them. And community college gets a bad rap, too, but there are so many reasons why people can and should go to community college first before spending you and your children’s life savings on an overpriced liberal arts degree. My mom echoes this same sentiment a lot, so Nick’s heard it a million times, but I, too, am proud of them for this; of taking hold of their own life and waiting until the time was right to spring for something that felt better. And the waiting paid off doubly, too, because not only did Nick end up at the University of Minnesota and make that a much better fit than DePaul, the pandemic also hit at this same time, so being at DePaul wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I’m proud of their ability to see the future.

The graduation at U of M was much like my own at U of I; spent the first day getting Nick into their robe and figuring out where to get those fancy scarf things that hang around next to the tassels. My mom flew in that morning, and my dad and grandmother drove up, too. And we were joined by Nick’s girlfriend, Katie (who is a probably a different Katie than any other Katie I’ve inadvertently mentioned here; I know four Katies in Minnesota alone, and thankfully they all have different last initials). We also, unlike my graduation, got pie. We picked up a couple of french silk pies at this goofy-ass bakery that was just this guy Dave making pies and chili. He told us all about how he used to be a bodybuilder and met Arnold Schwarzenegger and the “dirty secrets” of body building, like dehydrating yourself, I guess? So we got pies and a side of advice, too, which was a nice little surprise.

That Friday evening was shorter, time-reserved set of stage crossings where we went to a big-ass field house and Nick crossed a stage they had set up in between the track lanes. We had to dodge the runners as they practiced their hundred meter dash in the meantime. Nick crossed the stage in about ten minutes, shook some hands with a guy he’d never met before, took a pictures at the veritable carnival of photo opportunities, and then we left. It was short, sweet, and convenient overall, which I think was to all of our likings. I’ll take it over three hours in a stadium any day, especially considering it rained during the actual big graduation ceremony. You know, the one we didn’t want to go to. So we lucked out on that, I suppose.

I’m proud, too, of Nick’s chosen career path. Right now, anyway, they have their sites set on being a school psychologist, or perhaps a school counselor, or something in the field of student advocacy at the school level. They’ll be going to graduate school first before they do that, but I think it’s an exceptionally noble and admirable, if undersung, career path. The work that student advocates and mental health experts have to do every day, the way that they’re required to get involved in students personal affairs and take on some of those emotional burdens coming in from across the board, I must imagine it’s a taxing experience. But in the cases where they have a chance to connect with students, really know them, people in those positions can make every difference in the world. Hell, I know from personal experience that school counselors/psychologists/student advocates can be one of the literal only lines between life and death.

And Nick is choosing to dedicate their life to helping students in crisis. I think that’s an incredibly selfless career to choose, and I know that Nick will excel at it because they’re passionate, intelligent, and kind. They’re going to really care about these students, and I’ve seen how they can connect to strangers and make them feel welcome and listened to. They TA’d for a class this year, helping the professor grade but also paying attention to individual students. Because of how good they were at the position, they were nominated for TA of the year by one of their students. I think that’s very timely proof of just how good Nick is going to be at this job.

Of course, the weekend was replete with photo opportunities. I mean, you only graduate once (well, give or take), so you might as well make your time worth it and get as many pictures as possible. What else is graduation if not the ultimate photo opportunity? Surely it goes beyond a celebration of the culmination of all your past studies, of the years of hard work and effort that got you here. Forget the hours of studying, the hundreds of tests and assignments, the lab courses and late nights preparing essay drafts and trying to cram in one more chapter of this book before class tomorrow. Graduation isn’t about any of that. It’s about the clout.

Friday after pictures we grabbed dinner, and swam in the hotel pool before getting up early the next morning to, kind of, do it all again. Like I said, get two years’ worth of pictures into a weekend: that’s the goal of graduation. We started by packing up Nick’s house and cramming it into boxes in the back of a truck, before then leaving those boxes abandoned on the side of the road to take more pictures. Pictures everywhere. We got pictures by Matt’s Bar (still the best burgers in the Twin Cities), the big university sign, a handful of weirdo statues, the Witch’s Hat (which is a cool water tower that looks like, well, a witch’s hat), the radio station where Nick was a DJ for two years (but only at night), and more. We even broke inside Nick’s old atrocious apartment complex to ding-dong ditch their old roommates and take some nice photos flipping the place off. It was a whirlwind of pictures.

But one of the most interesting things that we did was flinging some shoes over a tree. I’m not sure how or when this got started, and I don’t think Nick really knows either. I don’t think anyone properly knows. But one of the traditions for U of M graduates is that, when you graduate, you throw some of your old shoes over this one particular tree near a bridge over the Mississippi river. Nick did this, and their shoes did end up on the tree (along with hundreds of others), and we all agreed that this was the moment that felt like real graduation. The stage ceremony was a bit odd, since there was a lot going on and everyone and their mother trying to get pictures of people we didn’t know, but it was super cool for Nick to have this specific moment of “getting over it.” If, anyway, that makes sense. You know, because the shoes are “getting over” the tree? Right? Right? They’re graduated? They’ve crossed the line, the pendulum has completed its arc? Right? Something like that. The shoes are in a tree now, and they have Nick’s name on them. Nick is no longer a student at the University of Minnesota; they are now a graduate of the University of Minnesota.

We also took lots of pictures on that same bridge. ANd why not? It’s pretty! It is the Mississippi river! Honestly, because I didn’t live near the city much until I moved into my weird basement AirBNB for the last month or so, it was easy to forget, sometimes, that Minneapolis and St. Paul sit literally on the Mississippi. I’m sure Nick never forgot this, though, because the campus is also on the Mississippi, and it is really pretty to have it squat right next to some of the bluffs.

During my graduation, back in the day, at one point I had to go to the restroom so I handed nick my robes and hat. When I came back out, they were in my graduation uniform and taking pictures in front of a statue. My mom figured that this would be a great time to recreate that in reverse, so of course I also got in on the photography action and adorned myself with Minnesota colors (much to the chagrin of the U of I football team; not that they’re any good, anyway). The robe feels, uh, a little bit short most of the time. I’ve got kind of a Mary Poppins thing going on, I guess. But I suppose in about two years from now I’ll also be back in some sort of robe for graduate school graduation, bearing whatever colors Stockholm University is in. Blue and yellow, maybe? I’ll just drape myself in a flag.

I got to thank Nick, though, for getting me here to Minnesota in the first place. They were one of the two major reasons I moved here (the other being Cheyenne), and I’m really glad that I moved here with them, because it meant that I got to spend more time with them and watch them grow and develop themselves. Nick has grown a lot over the last four years, since high school graduation, but these two years in Minnesota have been especially powerful. I’ve seen Nick redefine themselves in a way that makes them feel like themselves, and I’m proud of them for that, too. They are such an incredible person, an incredible scholar, an incredible friend. An incredible sibling.

One other thing I did was go to a concert Saturday night, which was fine with Nick because they were also going to a separate concert. Well, less concert, more house show in some stranger’s backyard. There was a keg in the garage and everything. I’ve missed house parties, but this one ended at 10pm and I definitely remember them being a lot later in college. Hell, back in the day, some of them wouldn’t start until 10pm. But no matter. I’m glad that I went to that, even if just for a little bit, because I had a chance to say goodbye to some of my other friends that I made in Minnesota. Which is weird to say because, as of this posting, I’m now permanently back in Lisle. Nick is returning to Minnesota come August, but I am… not. I am going to Big Minnesota. Minnesota of the North. You know, Sweden. You get the idea. But there’s your quick life update for you, before getting back to you Nick. We’re in Illinois for the summer, or at least for parts of May, and parts of June, but not July because Nick and I are traveling together, but parts of August, but only the first part, and…

Well, after pictures Saturday, it was time to head back home, actually. Sunday was a pain in the ass, because we had to load up the lives of two people (Nick and I, that is) into a truck and haul it five hundred miles back to Chicago, along with Nick’s chaotic cat. But we got it done and had minimal stops along the way. I’ll give my own reflections on leaving Minnesota in a couple of weeks, but for Nick, I have to imagine it’s weird. They are an alumni of the university now, they have a proper Bachelor’s degree and everything. A Bachelor in Sociology and a minor in Global Studies. And the end crept up so quickly. I barely feel like I had a chance to get settled into here, Nick, for you it must be doubly weird since you had to move once while you were still in the state. You condensed your college experience into the two years here, but you did it. And you passed with flying colors, too; we just heard today that Nick got accepted into Phi Beta Kappa, which is super cool, too! That’s a really big deal! Way to go!

But one more reason why I’m proud of Nick, and all their accomplishments, and their graduation and their future prospects and everything else, is that they did all this while still being uniquely them. They were themselves the whole time, and nothing changed that. And I want to end on this note, end this weird little blog post cross between a congratulatory message and a weekend update. Nick, I’m proud of you for being you. For not being ashamed of the person you want to be, and instead finding that person and building your life around it. For finding the things that worked, dropping the things that didn’t, forging new relationships both professional and personal that operate within the sphere of your truth. You’ve grown and matured a ton over these last two years, like I already said, and I’m proud of you for that. College is supposed to be about finding yourself and what you believe in, and refining it to be what you need. And from the outside, it sure looks like you’ve done that. And even if you’re still getting there, that’s ok, too. We all ought to be constantly refining ourselves and improving ourselves. Nick, I know you’re dedicated to this. To coming out of everything as a positive person, even when it’s difficult. You’re always ready to bounce back and meet new challenges head-on, and never lose yourself in the process. And for that, I’m also very, very proud of you and the person that you are.

I love you, Nick. I’m so proud of you for graduating, for falling in love with your classes and the material, for making new friends and taking new risks, for making this unique educational path very much your own. Congratulations, and I know you’re going to do amazing things with your future, and I’ll always be here for you, cheering you on. I love you.

Ending note: if you’re on my subscribers list and got that email monday before the post was supposed to go live and ended up reading the whole thing a day early… you’re welcome, I guess? Thanks for being very punctual.