“And some Xbox thrown in for good measure”
Hey everybody, sorry I’m a little late. It’s finals week for real this time and I’ve been kind of swamped with a couple projects and papers and exams or whatever. But they’re mostly done now! And I can finally write about more Christmas wish list video games! Because I’m sure everyone wants to hear about exactly that. Anyway, I guess this is part two of last week’s post, but I’m going to make it a bit shorter than that because, let’s be honest here, none of these particular games have any chance of ever coming to PC. So, I’m really just kind of left to emulate them for myself, like a regular pirate. Except, well, Nintendo doesn’t make emulation easy.
The main reason is, of course, downloading game ROMs or ISOs, the files that actually contain the games themselves, is technically illegal and an infringement on copyright ownership. And Nintendo, as a business that does see its bottom line hurt by piracy, there’s obviously a significant business incentive for them to cut back on piracy and emulation so if people want to play a game, they have to come to Nintendo. Except, for a long time, Nintendo didn’t offer any easy way to play their old games besides tracking down a used copy on Ebay that may or may be covered in dog poop. So, tons of people turned to emulating old games in order to play them again after their system broken down, or experience them for the first time, as I did myself. Plus, like I said before, at a certain age, emulating old games doesn’t affect business profits since the company isn’t actively producing new editions of said game, and emulation is a really great way to protect old games against the ravages of time. And while Nintendo didn’t like this, and often actively pursued shutting this down, they seemed to mostly let it be for a while. That changed back in 2018.
Around the same time that Nintendo began releasing the NES and SNES mini systems, which, you know, like ten people bought, and they announced their Nintendo Switch online service, which lets you play a limited number of old games for a yearly price, they started to really crack down on emulation. Namely, with lawsuits. Nintendo started suing websites that hosted ROMs and ISOs of their games, and of course they won, because those things are Nintendo’s intellectual property and downloading or hosting them without permission is a vague crime. And they didn’t sue my favorite ROM site, EmuParadise, directly, but the site closed up shop anyway from fear of a similar lawsuit that the creator, a single guy, would definitely not be able to afford. Rest in peace, EmuParadise. I’ll miss you.
Look, I’m not saying that the lawsuits were wrong to favor Nintendo, or that it isn’t Nintendo’s right to crack down on this stuff, but at a certain point, it’s doing way more harm to the video game community than it is doing good. It makes protecting the legacy and history of all games, not just Nintendo games, substantially more difficult because sites like that are afraid to host downloads for any game. Lawsuits like that attempt to kill an entire community around digging through games to find secrets, preserving old or abandoned games, or even making new games out of old ones (like with ROMhacks and stuff). Yes, there’s a part of that same community that thrives off of downloading and playing brand new games or games that are easily-accessible, just to play the game without having to pay for it, and I think emulating for that reason is wrong. That’s stealing, especially when you’re pirating games that were made by single people or small teams who need all the support they can get. So Nintendo, and other big gaming companies, have every right to crack down on piracy like that. But the rest of the community, the ones that want to explore software and hardware limitations, make new works of art out of old games, or just replay something they haven’t played in twenty years, they’re caught in the middle of Nintendo’s legal fight with pirates. I’d say it does more harm than good, especially because it’s still really easy to download and emulate games, and no amount of legal action is going to stop that.
I mean, this isn’t really anything new. Bootleg games, or unofficial knockoffs of games that are sold as official media, have been sold in places all over the world since the 80’s. China and Southeast Asia are popular places for bootlegs, for some reason, probably since getting official Nintendo stuff in some of those countries has been, or still is, absurdly difficult. But that’s still a thing today; you can buy bootleg consoles in the physical Walmart or online right now, for cheap. It says 620 games in 1, but most of those games are just Ninja Gaiden with Mario’s head pasted on. It’s a weird market, and one of these days I’m going to haggle with the shady guy in my local mall who’s trying to pass off his bootlegs as the real deal into giving me one for cheap. But Nintendo has been unable to stop that market for literally decades, so what makes them think that the internet will make it any easier for them?
Anyway, point is that, even with Nintendo’s lawsuits, emulating games is still easy and (usually) free. It’s just that the legality is now more questionable than ever, and Nintendo says you are a Bad Person for emulating games even if they haven’t been touched in thirty years. But even though I’ll do it if I feel like it, I’d rather not play these games “illegally.” So here’s some more games that I really, really would like to play officially, on my computer, instead off having to buy a whole new system or online service to play them or for the first time.
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
I recently started watching a stupidly long review of the newest Paper Mario game, and the gist of it is that the game is kind of tedious and maybe only worth some of your time, but it kept referencing the old Paper Mario games, like Thousand-Year Door. And I’ve played Super Paper Mario, the one that almost got turned into a movie, and I really liked that, but it’s very different than the first two Paper Mario games. And I really want to try those! But I probably never will have that chance without either emulation or a GameCube, because Nintendo hasn’t really made it easy to play games from the N64 or GameCube era. Just let me play Paper Mario! I’ve heard the story is fantastic, or at least pretty great for a game series that’s normally “go save the princess from a big turtle.” Oh, and I’d like to play the Mario and Luigi games, too. Like with the beans.
Pikmin 3
I’ve liked Pikmin for a long time, and part of me always really hoped that I could become a game developer for the express purpose of remastering Pikmin 1 and 2 for the PC. I’ve wanted to make my own Pikmin maps, new kinds of Pikmin, and new enemies ever since I first played the game. I don’t know what it is about these games that I love so much, but exploring a strange, familiar-yet-alien planet while throwing a bunch of tiny carrot people at mushrooms is incredibly endearing and interesting to me. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s one of the prettiest, most ecologically-interesting alien worlds I’ve played, and I love the ecology aspect of it, or maybe it’s the simplified, single-player style of real-time strategy that I like. Or maybe it’s the giant snake birds. Whatever it is, I love it. I’ve been toying with an idea of a post about why I don’t normally like games in this style (that is, real-time strategy) except for Pikmin and one other, and I’ll get to it one day, but not right now. Let’s just suffice it to say that I like the game a lot, and I think Pikmin 3 is the best of the series, and it won’t be coming to PC anytime soon at all because it just got a rerelease on the Switch.
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Yes, I think we all knew some variation of Smash Bros. would be on here. I’ve talked about Smash Bros. so, so many times now. It’s such a good series. We all know this. But most die-hard fans will always insist the Melee, the Smash Bros. on the GameCube, is the best Smash Bros. for some reasons that I don’t really understand. I get that the tripping mechanic in Brawl was shit, and that the Wii U one was too flighty or something, but Smash Bros. Ultimate seems pretty great. No one really likes the N64 one that much for some reason, but everyone seems to love Melee. I’ve only played it a little bit, and I want to play it more, mainly to experience the madness of Star Fox. Plus, with games like Rivals of Aether doing so well on PC, I think it’s guaranteed that bring a classic like Melee to PC would be a huge income source for Nintendo. Why haven’t they done it yet? Pride. They’re too proud to release a Nintendo game on anything other than a Nintendo system, which if you ask me, is a pretty outdated business model. But whatever, I don’t make the rules. I’ll stick to Ultimate for now.
Donkey Kong Country 2
I’ll be real, I was one of those ten people who bough the SNES classic edition, because I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff and probably part of the reason Nintendo will never release games on PC. I don’t regret getting that thing, because it really is a great little toy, but I do regret the fact that Donkey Kong Country 2 is not on the classic edition. I like this game so much more than Donkey Kong Country, for some reason. I think it’s the incredibly unique area design and level mechanics that don’t really come back until Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, or maybe it’s the fact that my cousin once told me that Diddy Kong could float just like Dixie Kong can, and that was a boldfaced lie but I tried to figure it out anyway. Also, it was one of the first video games I ever played, so there’s some nostalgia there, too. But I want to play this game again. And without emulation, I guess I just have to get the Nintendo online service. Which is actually pretty reasonably priced, so I’ll probably just do that when I finally have time to play games again.
Pokémon Yellow
I’ll be real, pretty much any Pokémon game could fill this category. The only reason I chose Yellow is because someone told me once that it was the best version, and also one of the first generation games, so it seems like a safe fit. I haven’t actually played much Pokémon besides Diamond and Moon, but I’ve always been interesting in trying the games where it all started and attempting to experience that sort of vicarious childhood that so many people talk about nowadays when playing old games. Because I wasn’t really that into Pokémon as a kid, I feel like I missed something there. But, then again, I got so emotionally invested in the anime that I physically couldn’t do anything for a weekend back in like 5th grade. It was weird. So maybe I didn’t miss anything after all and really just want the games on here so I can play from one straight to the other with the same team of Pokémon and pretend it’s one game. Also, I always choose the bird. Go with the birds.
Super Mario All Stars/3D All Stars/Odyssey
Hey, did you know that Super Mario 3D All-Stars is a sort-of sequel to Super Mario All Stars? If you’ve ever played Mario All Stars, you definitely knew that. I mean, it’s not really a secret. But It’s got some the greatest platforming games of all time, and I’d love to play it on PC (legally). That, and Mario 3D All-Stars too. Or Mario Odyssey! Or any Mario game. For the most part, no one does platforming games like Nintendo, and the sheer level of charm and quality in any Mario game blows most other games out of the water. Nintendo has been a bit weird about game quality recently, and they’re so protective of their intellectual property that anything like this will never happen, but I’d love to see a game that collects, like all of Mario’s first 35 years into one game and repackages it with lost arts, hidden secrets, and stuff like that. Wouldn’t that be so cool? A huge collection of the some of the best games of all time. It could even have Hotel Mario. It would be awesome.
Literally Any Mario Party
I’ve only ever played Mario Party 8 and Mario Party DS for any substantial length of time, and everyone tells me those are some of the worst. The early ones are so much better, they say. Well, I’ve never played the early ones and probably never will because I a) don’t have the games, and b) don’t have friends willing to play them with me most of the time. And let’s be honest, the games are kind of boring when you play alone. But there are a lot of Mario games like that. Mario Kart. Mario Super Sluggers. Mario Strikers. I’d like to have any of those games with online functionality so I could play with friends at a distance, especially in this COVID world. It would be the ideal way to experience them. But that isn’t really going to happen, huh?
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D
Ah, here it is. The ultimate game that I want. Thinking about this game is actually what made me want to write this post in the first place. I played the 3D version when it came out on the 3DS, and recently, I’ve really wanted to play it again. But my 3DS is about 100 miles away in my parent’s house, and I also don’t have the time to dedicate to this game again. But still, I want to play it again anyway. Just like the Mario games, a collection of all the Zelda games in one package on PC would be the perfect way for Nintendo make a bunch of money really fast. Ocarina of Time. Majora’s Mask. Link Between Worlds. The dungeons in Skyward Sword. Hyrule Warriors. Even that weird Link’s Crossbow Training is pretty great. This game in particular is so good. The atmosphere, the characters, the dungeon design, the items, it’s incredible. I’d eat that shit up, and I wouldn’t have to rely on unofficial emulations or random indie games to get that quality, Zelda dungeon fix. But… eh, what does it matter now? I’ve made my point. I want these games on my computer, it isn’t going to happen, whatever. Hey, Nintendo, if you’re reading this, just one or two is fine, too. I’ll buy them, and then I won’t have to emulate twenty-year old games anymore. It’s a win-win, huh?
Anyway, you get the idea. There are tons more games I’d want. Wii Sports Resort. F-Zero. Dr. Mario. Kirby Superstar. Fire Emblem. Luigi’s Mansion. Super Metroid. Earthbound. PunchOut with Not Mike Tyson, Kid Icarus Uprising, Warioland: Shake It, Metroid Prime, Animal Crossing, Xenoblade Chronicles, Yoshi’s Island, Star Fox, Super Mario World, and so many others that I want to play or want to play again and just really… can’t, for one reason or another. Won’t happen. So here’s a few games that might be on PC one day, just not by Nintendo.
Non-Nintendo, Non-Sony games I want on PC
If Halo: the Master Chief Collection hadn’t just gotten a PC port last year, any Halo game would have been the absolute top of a non-Nintendo, non-Sony list. But Microsoft seems to moving their games to PC, too, slowly but surely, and there’s a few gaps I’d like them to fill. The Rare Replay collection is the big one, since it’s got Banjo-Kazooie, Grabbed by the Ghoulies, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and more all in one package. I don’t know why this game isn’t already on PC. Does Microsoft think no one there wants it? They’re pretty wrong. Oh, and the original Gears of War games would be pretty cool, too, and Goldeneye 007. As would the anomalous Red Dead Redemption. Not Red Dead 2, but Red Dead 1, which never, ever saw a PC release for unfathomable reasons. Grand Theft Auto V is still one of the best-selling PC games today, and it came out, what, like ten years ago? Now that Red Dead 2 is on PC, I’m sure Red Dead 1 would fit right at home. I’ve got real hope of seeing some of these in the next few years. Not the Nintendo ones, of course. but the other ones. Even the Sony ones I’ve got hope for. But… we’ll see. Thanks for letting me rant about nonsense for another hour or so. I appreciate it. Tune in next week for a special post that’s finally not about video games.
Update: I just learned after I posted this that Nintendo’s done even more shitty stuff recently, including banning Smash Bros. competitions, cancelling their own competitions over Smash Bros. cancellation backlash, shutting down a charity fundraiser based around custom controllers, and removing video game music from unofficial youtube channels, something which I personally listen to quite a bit. All of this is pretty rude of them, and I learned it all from Sesame Street’s Grover. Thanks, muppet guy.
