My Family Names Every Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Character

“I’ve always wanted to try this.”

In what is now my third post about Super Smash Bros. (you can check out one and two here), I decided to try something that I’ve always wanted to attempt; go through the list of every Smash Bros. character with my parents and see how many they can name. I’m not the first person to come up with this idea. There’s a million videos of it on YouTube. But I wanted to try it with my own family, since I thought it might be some fun family bonding time. I think the results speak for themselves.

I realize that most people wouldn’t be able to get more than fifteen of the characters, let alone all of them, but the names my family came up with are pretty entertaining. In fact, you probably don’t even need to know the actual characters to get a chuckle or two. I don’t even want to include the real names, I think that spoils the fun. But anyway, here’s all 70+ characters currently in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate as named by my parents and brother, plus some snippets of whatever else funny they had to say about the character. For reference, my mom’s name is Meg, my dad’s name is David, and my brother’s name is Nick. And I, of course, am Andy. Let’s-a go.

1. Mario

You all know him. You all love him. He’s probably one of the most recognizable characters after Mickey Mouse. My parents knew who he was without a problem.

2. Donkey Kong

3. Link

To my surprise, my mom was the first person to get this one. But she also thought Link was a girl, so there’s that.

4. Tron

David: “That is… that is…”

Meg: “Tron.”

Other considered names were Robocop, Robotron, Rock’em Sock’em Robot, and something about Total Recall. My dad eventually got the game, Metroid, right. The character’s name is Samus. And also there was this:

Nick: “That sounds like a you problem.”

Meg: “You’re a me problem.”

4e. Black Samus

There’s some characters in Smash Bros. that are just clones of other characters, and those are called “Echo Fighters.” In this list, they’re denoted by an “e.” So, for example, this character is an echo of the previous, meaning they have basically the same move sets but a different appearance.

Several jokes were made about this character that I will not repeat here.

5. Yoshi

Yoshi is, in fact, a dinosaur, and dinosaurs had feathers. My mom was initially skeptical of this fact, and of the fact that Tyrannosaurus Rex could have been purple. Nick, however, found the idea of a purple T. Rex awesome.

David: “He sticks out his tongue, and he eats stuff and then he poops out eggs.”

Nick: “Did dinosaurs have fingers?”

Meg: “Why give him shoes and no pants?”

Andy: “Fun fact, Yoshis are born fully clothed.”

Meg: “And then they lose their clothes down to their shoes?”

David: “So as they get older their shirt falls off and then their pants fall off? And you can tell his age based on that he only has shoes.” I love this idea and personally think that Nintendo would benefit from exploring the cloth-molting life cycle of Yoshi.

Meg: “Naked but for shoes.”

Nick: “Wait, but if he’s born with them, they’re not shoes, they’re just his feet.” Which is a legitimate point. Nintendo, take note. Following this conversation, Nick proceeded to comment on the size of Yoshi’s nose and how it compares to my and my mother’s noses.

Nick: “If’d he gotten shot, his nose could have blocked it.”

6. Jigglypuff

My mom got this one, too. It’s actually Kirby. She then proceeded to compare Kirby to Miss Piggy from The Muppets.

7. Space Fox

Meg: “His face is like Angelina Jolie. It’s the eyes, I think.”

Nick: “I think he looks more like Megan Fox.” *Ba dum tss*

David: “Not Jamie Foxx?”

8. Pikachu

Meg: “Fun fact, Chelsea Handler uses the term “Pikachu” to describe her female parts.”

Andy: “I’m sure Nintendo is thrilled with that.”

David: “He doesn’t have a nose.”

Nick: “I like how he has huge legs and tiny feet.” Which is something I never really noticed before, personally.

David: “Are these the easy ones?”

Meg: “Yeah these are the easy ones, they’re gonna get harder aren’t they? The fox was hard.”

Nick: “What do you mean the fox was hard? His name is Fox!”

David: “Pikachu: Electric Boogaloo.”

9. Luigi

Nick: “He is kinda thicc.”

Meg: “He’s got junk in his trunk.”

10. Caillou with Hair

David: “He’s like Crayon Boy or something.”

Meg (In reference to Caillou): “He was slow and bald-

Nick: “Like Andy!”

Meg: “-and this kid is like Caillou with hair.”

David: “So what’s his name?”

Andy: “This is Ness.”

Meg: “Ness? That’s a stupid name.”

Nick: “Why does he pull his socks up like that?” My brother has every piece of clothing necessary to be Ness for Halloween, with the exception of white tube socks. He doesn’t have them for the intention of being Ness. He just has clothes like that.

11. Power Ranger

David: “Falcon man!”

Nick: “Oh my god, he’s ripped! Look at his legs.”

Meg: “He’s got a little camel toe going on there.”

Nick: “Why are you sexualizing him?”

Andy: “How can you not sexualize this guy?”

12. Jigglypuff

Nick: “She kinda has pretty eyes.”

David: “She’s like that girl that [my uncle] dated in college!”

Andy: “What?”

13. Penelope Peach

Andy: “Penelope? Like from Wreck-it Ralph?”

Meg: “No, that’s Vanellope.”

Andy: “How did you know that?”

Meg: “Because I saw the first one.”

Andy: “So did I! Several times.”

Meg: “So that’s… Gone with the Wind? Scarlett O’Hara?”

My mom and brother got into a heated discussion about whether or not there was any actual coloring on this character, Peach, that was actually peach-colored. We settled that only the design at the edge of her dress is peach-colored.

13e. Should be Named Peach

Meg: “She is significantly more peach than the last one was.”

14. Bowser

Andy: “Leader of the Marching Illini, Harry Bowser.”

15. Eskimo Ness

Meg: “Why are they wearing flip flops?”

Andy: “Their names are Nana and Popo.”

Meg: “Oh my god, that’s a stupid name.”

Nick: “I’m sure they think Meg’s a stupid name.”

Meg: “I’ll have crampons.”

Nick: “Flip flop tampons?”

16. A Good Definition of Communism

Meg: “Wow. I don’t know what to do with that. Is he dancing? Is he fighting?”

Nick: “Can you guys give me a good definition of Communism?”

Meg: “What? No. Everyone owns everything together and everyone works for the good of the collective.”

Andy: “This is-“

David: “Sugar Britches!”

Meg: “It looks like she’s wearing a chastity belt.”

Nick: “Why do you keep looking at their crotches?”

17. Zelda

David: “It’s a Zelda for 2019.”

Andy: “This is like the old version of Zelda.”

David: “Well, she’s not pixelated. That would be the old version of Zelda.”

Meg: “How does she run in those heels?”

18. Dr. Mario

19. Pikachu with a Choker

David: “It’s baby Pikachu!”

Meg: “Pikachu with a Grateful Dead teddy bear scarf.”

David: “Like a dancing Pikachu.”

20. Blue Jay

Nick: “He’s dabbing!”

David: “He kind of looks more like a cardinal.”

Andy: “This is Falco.”

David and Meg simultaneously: “Did he sing “Rock me Amadeus?” Amadeus, Amadeus!”

21. Marth

Andy: “This is where… All these sword guys kind of look the same to me.”

21e. Julia Roberts

David: “Martha!”

Meg: “She’s wearing hooker boots.”

Nick: “You keep sexualizing these characters! Why are you slut-shaming her?”

Meg: “Pretty Woman! She wore those boots in Pretty Woman!”

David: “Are you saying she’s Julia Roberts?”

Meg: “This looks like something that every eighth grade girl who can draw, draws.”

22. Little Link

23. Descendant of the Crown of Czechoslovakia

Nick: “Why is he posed like that?”

David: “He’s wearing a rug for a cape.”

Meg: “His head looks very small relative to the rest of him. He has no neck. He’s also got a bit of receding hairline.”

David: “No, he’s got a widow’s peak. Which means he’s descendency of the crown!”

Andy: “What?”

David: “The Crown of Czechoslovakia! My grandfather always said that since I have a widow’s peak, I’m descended from the crown of Czechoslovakia!”

24. Back-Massager Hands

Meg: “That looks awkward. That looks very awkward. Her hands look like those back massager. You could get a really good massage out of those hands.”

David: “Those toes look like testicles.”

Meg: “That’s exactly what I was thinking!”

David: “Testicle toes!”

25. Another 8th Grade Girl Wearing a Headband

Meg: “The karate kid?”

David: “He looks like another Link. Stink Link! Clink!”

Meg: “Who is this teenager with the Karate Kid headband?”

Andy: “This is Roy.”

Meg: “His name is Roy?“

David: “Not a very exciting name. They named him after the drugs wore off.”

25e. Freddie Mercury

Meg: “He’s wearing platform shoes.”

Nick: “No, they’re heels, not platforms.”

David: “So it’s like Freddie Mercury.”

26. Shadow Man

David: “He’s like silhouette boy.”

Meg: “He’s kind of blurry. Like, if you stare at him it starts to mess with your eyes.”

David: “I see the little silhouetto of a man.”

David and Meg: “Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?”

27. Jedidiah

Meg: “He looks like Pikachu in armor.”

Nick: “He’s not Amish!”

Meg: “Why would you think he was Amish?”

Andy: “It’ll make more sense when you know his name.”

Meg: “Really? Like, Jedidiah? That’s the most Amish name ever.”

Nick: “His name is Meta Knight.” It sounds like Mennonite.

Meg: “Really? Well, he is not Amish then.”

28. Icarus

Andy: “His name is Pit, but he’s from Kid Icarus.

28e. Bad Icarus

Meg: “Lucifer! Beelzebub! Nosferatu!”

David: “What was the other one’s name? Pit? So this one is… shit!”

Meg: “He’s wearing, like, gym shorts or jockey shorts.”

David: “And he’s got running weights from the 70’s.”

29. Roller Girl from Boogie Nights

Meg: “Those are platforms, Nick.”

Nick: “Those aren’t platforms!”

Meg: “Yeah, look at the front! The front’s a platform!”

Nick: “No, but look at the heel!”

Meg: “I know, but platforms can be heels too! You can have platform heels, ding-dong!”

Andy: “So this is Zero Suit Samus, because she doesn’t have the orange armor.”

Meg: “She doesn’t look anything like the other Samuses.”

30. Wario

David: “Wah! WARIO!”

Meg: “Look at how many chins he has!”

David: “He looks like from, uh, Men in Black! He’s a Ballchinian!

Nick: “He has no uvula.”

David: “Well, that’s because he’s a boy.”

Meg: “He’s an alcoholic. Look how red his nose is.”

31. Liam Neeson

Meg: “Rambo!”

David: “Starburns!”

32. Pink Link

Andy: “It’s just another sword guy.”

33. Squirtle

Meg: “It’s a turtle with a tail.”

Nick: “Mom, turtles have tails!”

David: “Squirtle!”

34. Audrey II

Meg: “That looks like a carnivorous plant on its head.”

35. Charizard

Nick: “Is that supposed to be a bat or dragon?”

Andy, David, and Meg: “Dragon.”

Nick: “But he’s got bat wings!”

David: “No, mom’s got bat wings.”

33-35. Ash Ketchum

36. Titty Kong

37. Snake Ness

Meg: “Now that’s Caillou with hair. Hey, he’s playing with his snake!”

Nick: “It’s Lucas!”

Meg: “Tell Lucas to stop playing with his snake.”

38. Sonic the Drive-In

Meg: “He looks nothing like a hedgehog.”

Nick: “He sells hot dogs!”

Andy: “No, chili dogs!”

Nick: “Did they just draw anything and say ‘This is a hedgehog?’ He doesn’t look anything like a hedgehog. And what’s Tails suppose to be?”

Meg: “Do you still have that Sonic hat?”

Andy: “Yeah, I got it for Christmas with one of the last good sonic games.”

39. Diddlysquat

Meg: “That looks like a penguin. Is he a penguin?”

Andy: “Technically speaking, he’s an eagle.”

Nick, David and Meg: “WHAT?”

40. Q*bert

David: “Oh, that’s from that game that you play! The one where you throw them around!”

Meg: “That game is called Angry Birds. But those look like bowtruckles from Harry Potter!”

Andy: “They’re Pikmin. So this guy…”

Meg: “Is Pikman.”

This conversation later devolved into discussing the size of noses, war atrocities, nuclear bombs, and how the Russians wanted to invade Japan.

41. Fabulous Mr. Fox

Nick: “His leg kind of makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like how his ankles are straight up like that.”

42. WALL-E

Meg: “Awww, that looks like Wall-E! Also, this character from a movie in the 80’s. Johnny, wasn’t it?”

Andy: “SPACE CAMP?“

Meg: “Short Circuit!”

43. Awkwardly Drawn Link

Meg: “His legs are awkward.”

David: “He’s got little stubby legs.”

44. Dark Fox

45. Net Ness

Meg: “He looks like one of those Fisher-Price people. That’s a really awkward nose.”

46. Human Version of Sonic the Hedgehog

David: “Cannon arm!”

Meg: “Roboboy!”

David: “Roboman!”

Meg: “He’s no man. He’s a boy-child.”

47. Aerobics Girl

48. Princess Peach All Over Again

Nick: “Wow, that star’s kind of chubby!”

Meg: “Are you fat-shaming the star?”

Nick: “It’s not fat-shaming if you’re fat!”

Meg: “You just fat-shamed the star. Let’s circle back to that one.”

Nick: “Wow, circle back? Nice one. Skinny people just keeping the fat guys down.”

49. Knock-out Boxer Puncher

Meg: “Rocky!”

Nick: “He’s got a sizable package.”

Meg: “One of his thighs is distinctively larger than the other.”

David: “Big Lou!”

50. Pablo Picasso Frog

David: “What the hell is that? That’s like a Pablo Picasso drawing!”

Meg: “One-eye massage hands… what is happening here?”

David: “I’m disturbed by that. Is he looking straight ahead? With his mouth facing backwards and his tongue coming out of the top of this head?”

Andy: “Yeah, the pink thing is his tongue.”

David: “He’s got the Xbox symbol on his leg.”

51-53. Keanu Reeves

There’s three Mii fighter styles, brawler, sword fighter, and gunner. They’re kind of all the same, and you make your own Mii and put them into the game so they all look different anyway.

54. Amazon

Meg: “I like her hair. That’s some long hair.”

Andy: “Do you have any idea what her name is?”

Meg: “Absolutely none.”

55. Pac-Man with Shoes

56. Peter Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Andy: “It’s another sword guy, but this one shoots lightning.”

David: “Zeus!”

Andy: “His name is Robin.”

David: “He’s got like an Alexander Hamilton jacket.”

Meg: “Yeah, I was thinking British Admiral.”

57. Sk8r Boi

David: “What’s the game… portal? He’s Portal Boy! I’m just looking at the sword with the big hole in it.”

Andy: “This is Shulk.”

David: “That would have been my next guess.”

58. Mini Yoshi

Meg: “He looks like a child’s toy, a baby toy. Nesting cups.”

David: “He’s on the tea ride at Disney.”

59. Pluto

David: “The duck is hunting the dog.”

60. His Name is Street Fighter

Meg: “Rambo! Karate kid? Look at how gigantic his forearms are, and he has these tiny, tiny fingers. His feet look like Hobbits feet.”

60e. Caine

Meg: “That guy’s also got some big, big toes.”

Nick: “Why’d they give Pac-Man shoes and Yoshi shoes but not him?”

61. Cloud

Meg: “Wow. That’s a big sword.”

David: “He’s compensating for something.”

Nick: “Isn’t that Cloud?”

Andy: “Yeah, that is Cloud.”

Nick: “Wow, I feel like a dweeb for knowing that.”

Andy: “Nick, you must like Anime, huh?”

62. Pat

David: “That’s a fancy sword. Mr. Fancypants.”

63. Raven

Meg: “Wow.”

David: “Yikes.”

Nick: *Whistles*

David: “That’s like a drag queen. But it’s got the Star of David all over!”

Meg: “Are those exploding shoes?”

Andy: “Also, her clothes are her hair.”

Nick: “What? That’s not how it works.”

64. Margaret

David: “Soda-pop.”

Meg: “Her name is Margaret. She’s not bad, she’s just drawn that way.”

65. Sigourney

David: “Predator!”

Nick: “That would be a funny SNL sketch, “To Catch a Predator,” but they catch the alien Predator.”

Andy: “It’s funny that you say Sigourney, because this character’s name is Ridley.”

Meg: “It’s an homage to Ridley Scott?”

66. Hi-def He-Man

Meg: “Thor.”

Andy: “His name is Simon.”

66e. Simon Says

Meg: “That guy looks a little like Benedict Cumberbatch.”

67. King K. Rool

David: “King K. Rool.”

Nick: “There was so much swagger in that.”

David: “I know my alligators.”

Meg: “Alligators with belly buttons.”

68. Pup

Andy: “This looks just like [our cousin’s dog]!”

Nick: “That looks nothing like [our cousin’s dog].”

69. Jack Black

Nick: “Why is he so buff?”

David: “Firebelt McCracken.”

Meg: “Cheshire Cat.”

Andy: “He’s like a Mexican wrestler.”

David: “So his name is Jack Black? Like Nacho Libre? His name is Dorito!”

Meg: “A Dorito sounds good right now.”

70. Piranha Plant

Nick: “Why didn’t they give him eyes?”

David: “He doesn’t need eyes. He just goes on set intervals and strikes.”

EXTRA: Waluigi

Meg: “We know that one because of you.” I really don’t know how to feel about that comment.

Nick, Meg, and David: “WAH.”

Nick: “You proud of that, Andy?”

Meg: “That’s what you should get, a Waluigi tattoo.”

David: “Get it like a tramp stamp.”

Well, after about an hour and like 70+ characters, I got my parents to guess names for every Smash Ultimate character. Want to know what their real names are? Check here. But, just saying, I’d much rather fight as Knock-out Boxer Puncher than Little Mac.